


Myosotis

by lilacnightmares



Series: Flowers of Paradise [6]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Comfort Food, Domestic, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Handholdiing, Kissing, Oral Sex, Picnics, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Taunting, Teasing, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:56:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27546457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilacnightmares/pseuds/lilacnightmares
Summary: Saeran can't say that he's ever loved something more than he loves her, and he doesn't think he ever will find something he loves more. From her smile to her laughter, there's just something about the way she holds his hand and believes in him when nobody else dares. He wants to give her everything she's ever wanted and more, and that is his most selfish desire.Post Good Ending. NSFW. A standalone fic that can read without reading any of the other stories in the series.
Relationships: Choi Saeran/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Flowers of Paradise [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1271537
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Myosotis

**Author's Note:**

> Infinity & I'll Be Good by Jaymes Young are your go-to songs to listen to if you'd like to experience the fic the way that I wrote it out. Enjoy!

It was hard to say when he stopped feeling like the world was against him. Perhaps, it had something to do with the fact that he no longer had to fear going outside. 

There was no more target on his back and he could do something that he could only dream of as a child trapped in a cellar with ropes around his ankles to keep him ensnared inside its dungeon with a woman who saw him as nothing more than this ticket to get her fix. 

Saeran had so much freedom now that the idea made him stagger to his feet in overwhelming opportunity and confusion. He didn’t even know what to do with his freedom. He didn’t know where to start, stop, or how to exist in-between that freedom. After all, he wasn’t born with that freedom and it was put in his veins so late in life. 

He wasn’t sure that he could catch up with everyone else. Or, if he even had to catch up with everyone to make up for the lost time. He hadn’t realized just how much it would affect him at the time that he’d chosen to leave. Ray and Saeran both had strained to live in this world and at the last second for them, they realized while unconscious that they had to fight back. 

Fighting against the cult and the only that he had ever known to care for him since he was a small child was no easy feat but when faced with what he was hearing from V, from Rika, and Lila, he had no choice but to admit that things were bad and that this place was bad. It was no paradise. 

He never felt alive in that place because it wasn’t made to sustain life. 

It was meant to  _ crush  _ it. The only person that ever prospered in that place was the Savior, the so-called Savior, just a woman who had gone mad with power and anger at the world and decided to take it out on everyone else instead of getting help for herself. It was never going to allow Saeran or Ray to live a life worth living. 

That realization, unconscious, had been enough to cause the fusion of both Ray and Saeran. It was like an unspoken agreement that they both agreed that they needed each other and that it felt right. So, he was born from that fusion. He wasn’t simply Ray, nor was he simply Saeran, he was someone entirely new made from their experiences. 

He was someone entirely new but with one clear thought in his mind and that was that he needed to leave that place. The pieces slowly came together as time passed, and when he wasn’t pushing himself to move without thought, the more he understood exactly who he was. 

When he rescued Lila from being injured at the last minute, things started to come together somewhat. 

He knew that he wasn’t either of them alone and he wasn’t just the two of them smashed together at the same time, and his name didn’t matter, for once, he didn’t feel compelled to have a single man to his body. Both Ray and Saeran felt right, but he would’ve accepted anything at that point and been happy with it. His heart sputtered equally when she whispered those names into his ears and gave a tight hug around his torso. 

She always saw their hearts and treated them with the utmost care, and with him, it was so different than that. She saw him, and she loved him regardless of who she was speaking with. She was in love with all of him, all of his system, just as much as she was in love with him. He could see it in the way she looked at him. 

Even now, when she turned to look at him, there was still that light and warmth. That belief that he could do anything he wanted and longed to see him smile a sincere smile. She’d never know it herself but she was the reason that he felt like he could smile. She may not have been the sole reason that he was able to reason how hurt he had been, but she was the reason that he wanted to wake up in the morning. 

She was the reason that he wanted to be happy. Not for her, not completely, Lila made him believe that he could be happy for himself. She helped him to believe in himself and for that, he would never have the words to say just how grateful he was for her kindness and her compassion. She never had to help him or forgive him, but she did. 

An angel on Earth, he would tease with a smile as he tucked another flower into her hair freshly picked from the garden, and her freckle stained cheeks would turn just the warmest shade of red. It was a sight that was meant for him and he wanted it greatly. Sure, life wasn’t always perfect, but it didn’t have to be for them to be happy. 

As long as she was with him, he knew that he could be happy. 

Saeran knew that he could be even happier if their small world could continue to grow and shape together into something bigger. It would feel more complete when Saeyoung was found and brought back to them, everyone, not just them. When Saeyoung was able to be with the RFA again, he would be able to experience the same overwhelming freedom that Saeran had now. 

It would happen, he knew. Every day, C&R and the team that he was working with were getting closer to taking down more and more of his father’s crimes as well as checking off boxes where Saeyoung was not to be found. It was only a matter of time until they could find him. It was strange, to be the one on the lookout for his brother instead of the way it used to be. 

He had never been the brave one and yet, now he was the one here fighting the hardest for everyone in his care. 

Saeran couldn’t believe how much his life had changed over six months but it had and he wasn’t going to look back. He went from being trapped in that workroom until his fingers bled and it was such a faraway thought to him now. He was able to wake up in a bed in the morning, able to make breakfast, do whatever he wanted for the rest of the day, check-in with C&R, make other meals, and go to sleep at night in the same bed. 

It was a bit of culture shock, to be honest. 

Normalcy in any way was not his experience. It hit him all at once after only a week of living in the bunker with Lila, thinking that he would be okay and that nothing would hit him only for a night terror to overwhelm him and knock him off his feet. Granted, he should’ve known that it was going to hit him when he felt high on the rush of everything that he could do now but he let himself ignore the anxiety until it was too late. 

Another reason why he was grateful for Lila. She had been through this herself and gone through the ropes of therapy on her own when she was younger to learn how to cope with her fears and while she still had rough nights, and knew what to do to help him breathe through the worst of his fears. 

He hated that she had to wake up to the sound of his screams but the fact that there was something there when he woke up made him feel… lucky. After a few nights of his worst dread, even he had to admit that he needed to talk to someone about all of this. 

He couldn't shift all of it onto his partner, no matter how willing she was to help him. She wasn't his therapist. She was his partner. It wasn't a stretch with Jumin, not after she sat down and talked with him about how he sincerely needed to take this step and how Saeyoung would need it when they found him. 

Perhaps it was the culture that most people bite their tongue and didn't reach out for help, but Lila hadn't lived with that, and she was far too stubborn to see anyone go without the care they needed.

Saeran… agreed, it was just hard for him to admit that he needed help. He didn't want to feel like he was someone who couldn't function but he knew that if he didn't get help for his depression and fears, he couldn't learn how to function the way he wanted. It was just a step along the road to make progress, so he took up the offer to get professional help. 

Though, he just chuckled when she had immediately turned the script on the other RFA members and insisted all of them consider reaching out for help as well to cope with their loss and grief. 

For a girl that had been too scared to act confident unless she was wearing a petticoat, she had made some progress in her journey to being more honest with people. It helped to know that she wouldn't let anyone push her around or make her feel inferior again. She was finding her voice again. But, she still had her moments where she hid behind her hair and looked away. 

That was her stepping stone. 

His learning curve was trying to be comfortable with others without fearing the worst. His paranoia was still something that haunted him but of course, it would, he never knew who could be working for his father. He had come to understand that a lot of his fear was built upon lack of control and the loss of his ability to choose what he wanted to do in life. 

People were always pushing him around and he just took it because he knew if he didn't, he would be punished for it. His therapist said it was no wonder he was overwhelmed by freedom. He didn't know what freedom felt like and now that he had it, he felt suffocated by every trace of it. He couldn't force himself to rush into it when he wasn't ready.

That would only make him regress. 

Just like when his flashbacks crept upon him and took him back to a place that he didn't want to remember. Or when his anger or sadness just overwhelmed him. He couldn't expect things to get better in a day. There were going to be messy moments, no doubt about it, but learning how to deal with them was the important part.

Their best advice to him was to start small and not push himself to feel like he had to do everything in a day. His freedom wasn't going to be taken, so realistically, there was plenty of time to do anything that he wanted to do. It was just a matter of rationalizing that thought first. 

He had to start when he felt ready and with one thing at a time. There were going to be crack along the way but he had to keep getting up and trying. However, he couldn't do that if he was trying to force himself to be trapped in a box of his own making. So, that was what led him to the point he stood today, with the blue sky over his head and nothing but the breeze on his face as the sun dived in and out of the clouds. 

What Ray had wanted the most was to be able to have a picnic. That was one luxury that he had never considered within his reach but now he'd be able to do that whenever he wanted. Saeran could make good on that wish. After spending the last couple of weeks stepping on Lila's toes trying to find out what to do, he felt like he could finally look her in the eyes and ask if she would like to do something with him. 

He had known that she didn't know what to tell him when his fingers trembled at his sides and he had no idea what to do. Saeran knew nothing but everyone asking him to be a glorified pet or butler. He knew how to function with someone telling him to cook or clean, but stunned with no clue on what to do with himself, he often asked Lila what he should do.

She never showed irritation but there was worry in her eyes when he asked. 

She didn't want to push him around or order him around. She wanted him to know his true freedom and to use it. He knew that look in her eyes and he wanted to show her his progress day by day. They both had their issues but they could work on them, and opening that dialogue was the first step to making things right. She had been right to tell him to seek help. She had never steered him wrong. 

That's why he was happy when she smiled and said yes because she seemed legitimately excited at the prospect of being able to go out on a date with him. 

They never really technically had what he would call a date, but he always wanted to give her that to give her what she deserved. Instead and rather than simply always opting for a night on the couch watching television under the old excuse, "Well, I'm worried about someone recognizing me or just dealing with crowds in general right now." 

And so, now here he was, with his head in her lap as her fingers curled against locks. The sun feeling warm on his face and so forgiving to his years trapped inside. It was all he ever wanted to have, with her at his side and no one to tell him that he couldn't stay close. He was holding onto her other hand tightly, so tightly, basking in the moment of serenity. 

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were asleep," her voice broke him from his thoughts. 

He didn't bother to open his eyes. "Mmm. You'd be happy if I was, wouldn't you? I know you've been eyeing those macaroons since I told you I made some." 

She sputtered but quickly recovered, "I'm not thinking about that! Or the fact that you used raspberry, strawberry, and blueberry… Or how I could snag a few when you're not looking…" 

"You're not a very good liar," Saeran snorted at her weak protest. "I know you're thinking about it because you snuck one from the kitchen this morning when I had my back turned. I never said what flavor they were. Maybe you snuck a few more on the walk." 

Lila groaned. Her hand stopped brushing through his hair to cover her face when he opened an eye to look at her blushing. "Do you have eyes in the back of your head or something?" She couldn't help but grumble. 

"You kissed me and you still had jam on your lip, angel cake." 

She huffed again.

He chuckled at her mortification. He was glad that she felt comfortable enough to do things like that. It felt like a compliment. She wanted to have things that he made so much that she was willing to get caught in the cookie jar for it. Her sweet tooth made her a glutton for trouble but he liked that about her. 

It showed that she wasn't always a saint. She was real, just as real as he was. 

"Well, you just know how to make it better than I do," she said. "My batches always come out too dry. I always miscalculate the dry ingredients so you get the pleasure of me sampling your picks instead." 

Saeran wasn't sure if she was saying that to boost his ego or not, but it still was flattering, all the same, to hear her dote on him just a smidge. He tugged on the hand that he was holding to get her attention and when he had it, he nudged her to come closer until he could steal a kiss from her lips. She gasped but melted into his embrace with a smile. 

"I still think you taste far sweeter than anything I make," he teased. 

"Choi Saeran," she said in that voice she used to scold him playfully. "You're playing with fire if you say things like that!" 

He could feel his smiling growing, "Mmm. A little burn never hurt me, though. It's just a small reminder that I'm alive, I'm breathing, and I'm a man that can come and see you whenever I want… even if I use that power to be with you every chance I get. It never stops feeling perfect and pleasurable." 

He meant that. 

He would walk through fire if it meant he could see her and be with her like this. Despite all his grief, he wouldn't change anything because it led him to Lila. She was the greatest blessing that he had ever received and he would not take that lightly, not when she had shown him what it felt like to live. 

Lila looked away from him, only for him to catch her wandering hand bearing the edge of the basket to grab a treat. "And, you still can't use that as a distraction, I'm afraid, angel cake. If you want something, you'll let me feed it to you, okay?" 

Her lips were set in a line. It was strange to have their roles reversed in a way different than how it had been in Magenta. Back then, she had been the one making the first move and taking a chance on him even though her face was flush with embarrassment. And now, he was the one not running away, the one making the first move and making her heart sputter and stammer the way he once had. 

He had to say, he understood the appeal now. 

"Cute," he said. 

He had to pull himself from her lap where he had gotten comfortable but now he was alright with it. He flipped through the open basket until he found what he was thinking of, pulling the sweets from their box and grasping one between his fingers. She just stared at him for the longest moment until he refused to budge from his spot. She snorted at his confidence but her blush didn't fade. 

She parted her lips and he nudged the treat onto her tongue, shivering when her tongue brushed against his fingertips. The soft hum that left her throat made his jeans just a little tighter at the top despite his attempt to ignore it. 

It was innocent, but at the same time, there was something so… promiscuous about it. It almost made him want to kiss her and do more. He retracted his hand not long after but the burn had already been made and there was no denying that he was thinking about more than tucking her hair behind her ears and stealing her hands. 

"Mmm," she praised, drawing him from his thoughts. "You were right. You've gotten much better at that. I think I'll have to try another to be sure." 

The coy smile on her lips made him shiver inwardly. "Oh? Is that so?" 

"We wouldn't want to not cover all our bases, after all. I know how important your skills are to you, after all. The second anyone else gets their hands on you're capable of, they're going to want to pester you until you give them all your secrets." 

"Mmm, too bad for them there's no secret. No special tricks or trades, all I do is think about what makes me happy."

She raised a brow, "Oh? What's that?" 

Saeran smiled at her at that time with confidence. "I think about you, about how it feels to be free underneath this blue sky with you. I think about how grateful I am that you're so kind and patient with me. I think about how lucky I am to be here with you… I think about what you would think of what I'm making. I make everything with the thought that you're going to taste it." 

That was all it took to leave her stunned, flabbergasted, and a little embarrassed.

She just stared at him with a slack jaw until he started to laugh. It wasn't often he left her speechless but whenever he got the chance to do so he relished in it. It was a small gift. seeing her surprised and still learning about him every day with the small excitement from day one was a blessing. 

Lila took a hold of his shoulders when she regained control of herself and immediately stole a kiss from Saeran, over and over. It left him quite winded but he didn't stop her from doing so. He relaxed in her hands and enjoyed this moment they had. He was glad that he brought her outside where they both could just be themselves without any weight on them. 

Yet, he was still hungry for something more. 

"The second we get home," he murmured through kisses. "I want to be with you, I want my day with you to be a little more selfish…. Please, let me show you how much you mean to me. If there’s anything that I want… it’s to be with you." 

Something sweeter. 

“H—Hey…” 

“Please?” 

“You know I could never say no when you ask so nicely, Ray.” 

* * *

It wasn't often that they were ensnared by passion but by God if Saeran could ignore the way she made him feel. The second his fingers put the key lock down and the doors shuddered open, they were kissing again. If there was one thing he knew like the back of his hand it was her lips. Soft, sweet, and easily swollen when the right amount of pressure was applied. 

And right now? 

All he could think about was the way that she smiled at him and teased him. How he wanted this day to let them get even closer to each other instead of repeating the same old thing. His focus was on leading her to the bedroom as soon as possible. His brain was on one singular thought and he was pushing himself to think about that to keep himself from tipping over an edge. 

She tugged the coat from his shoulders and it found its home on the ground alongside their shoes, as she laughed breathlessly at how much of a mess they were. "I don't think I've ever seen you this taken with me. I like this look on you, honey." 

"You don't see the way I look at you when you're asleep," he countered, pressing his hands into her own. "If it makes you this happy… I won't turn away." 

Lila beamed at his comment. She leaned on the tips of her toes but still couldn't quite reach him from her vantage point. He stayed just out of her reach to tease a bit. His reward for making her wait for a kiss only caused her to momentarily take charge of the situation and pull him in the direction of their shared bedroom. 

There were a surprising amount of rooms and places in the bunker but they left most of the rooms untouched apart from the one that they had claimed to be their bedroom for the time being. It was at the end of the hall, a bit away from the room that Saeyoung rarely would occupy given he slept at his desk at most hours of the day. 

It was easier to avoid thinking about that when there was space from the idea. He let Lila do as she wanted as he could never tell her no when he genuinely wanted what they were doing. It was also cute to see such a tiny thing take charge and push someone around. 

Since he was making her work for it, she made no effort to budge from her spot. She merely used her size to her advantage best she could as her lips brushed against his collarbone. No teeth, just the softness of her mouth leaving kisses to his skin. Her hands quickly tucking his shirt from his pants and letting her nails rake against his stomach to draw out a gasp. 

"Too much?" She prompted, waiting for him to shake his head. 

"Keep going," he said. 

Pleased with his response, his shirt was slowly tugged up so she could kiss her way down his chest and abdomen, slowly sliding down the length of his body until she reached his hips where she sank to her knees. He watched, with bated breath, as she licked her lips and knew all too well what that tightness was from. She did hesitate as her hands began to undo the zipper to see what he would do. 

Saeran's hand hovered over the back of her head and she looked back at him as she slowly peeled the fabric down his legs until they sank to the ground like a rock. That was one less layer that separated them. The chill in the air made him shiver and he knew where she was going with this. 

Her fingers returned to underwear and he had to bite down on his tongue when her palm pressed against his cock. 

It was a light touch but it felt like she had encompassed all of him. It was a feeling that he wasn't sure he would grow used to quite soon. 

His mouth felt dry, but he swallowed. "..." 

Lila waited for just a moment before she made another move, gently nudging the cloth down his thighs until more and more of him was revealed to the evening air in the bunker, chilly but not quite freezing. 

However, it was the smile that grew on her face that made him choke back a sputter. Right as she moved to touch him skin to skin, he could only tense up. "Fuck…. Fuck…" he breathed as her breath fanned over him. 

She gripped his hips in place. "Someone's a little needier than I thought he was. I knew you fibbed earlier." 

Saeran shut his eyes. He couldn't look at her when she was like that. It made his heartbeat wildly and out of control. He didn't realize he had taken a step back until she caught him. 

"Oh, no, you don't," her grip on his hips grew tighter and he continued to watch as she exhaled deeply, eyes drawn to his groin. "The last time I was intimate with Ray, he wouldn't let me spoil him… and Saeran, I was not allowed to touch him here with my bare hands then… and I've not had the chance to do this for you at all. It's my turn to spoil you, my darling, let me do this for you. I promise I'll stop if it's too much. You're weeping from need… please…"

Saeran wasn't sure what to do or what to say in response to that. 

He had always felt more at home when he was in control because he so often wasn't in control of his life, and she knew that she knew that and she never pushed him to do things for her benefit. 

It was his choice to press his lips against her sensitive flesh over and over again, gaining pleasure just from knowing he could bring her to completion even if he was unable to reach his climax. It was easier to get her off than it was to get himself off. He would get overwhelmed with the lack of control and by the repulsion of his body. 

He couldn't even stare in mirrors for a long period without feeling disgusted. He never understood how she could look at him with desire when he was all aware of how his bones jutted out from his skin and the parlor of his body could blind something if they looked too long. 

Compared to her freckles and sun-kissed skin, he looked like a ghost, a phantom tying her down to him in an eternal spell that she was drawn into. He was a mighty beast and she was a princess, and however, he had her heart was beyond him. it wasn't in the way that Zen jest about men, no, he wasn't a deviant, he had been very capable of destroying things without mercy. 

A real monster, not someone who entirely knew what to do to the female body with perfect execution. 

Still, his angel nudged his hips with her hands again, thumbs rubbing circles into the skin as she waited for his answer. He knew she was serious, her eyes were saturated with lust, as they had been many times before. Lila would stop if he said so.

Yet, he didn't want her to stop. It may have been selfish of him to want more than he had grown comfortable with, but she did say that she would do anything he wanted. 

"I don't want to…" he trailed, stopping short. "You don't have to do that for me." 

He didn't want to hurt her, not in any way. 

Could he control himself from pawing at her hair and head when he felt her pleasure him? The thought was overwhelming but she waited for him to make his pick on what he was okay with and what he wasn't. 

She always did. 

To her, consent was everything. 

"I want to do this," she continued. "I want to suck you off. Nobody's making me do this and I want to make you feel good. But, I won't if you don't want to. But if you want it and you're just scared that you…" 

Lila shook her head at that before she completed the thought. 

"You won't hurt me, I promise," she reassured as if guessing his thoughts with ease. "I just want to make you feel good, Saeran. You always make me feel good… and this will make me… make me feel even better. I want to see you come unglued. I want to show you what it feels like when you do this for me. Is that okay? Can I do this?" 

God, he wanted it. 

Was that okay? 

Slowly, he managed a nod of his head and she smiled. "I'll… use the safe word if I can't take it, angel." 

"Thank you for trusting me, then," she smiled. Before he had time to respond, she moved. "Now, my beautiful prince, let me take care of this little needy little cock. I bet you've thought about it before. I've thought about it too… so don't feel too embarrassed about it, okay? I admire I felt a bit ashamed of myself for wanting you so flippantly but..." 

Leaning forward, she pressed her lips against the head of his cock in a sweet kiss. 

Saeran shivered at the contact and kept his hands tucked at his sides as she made herself comfortable on her knees in front of him. She nudged him back against the bed and he listened, sinking into the blankets as her breath ghosted over the skin. 

He could only watch as she stared at him with such intensity in her dark eyes. God, she was elevating it by talking. 

"Perfect… look at you," she murmured. "You're just right for me. Relax… I promise I'll be very gentle. Just keep looking at me, I don't want you to look away as I take care of you. After all, you never let me look away." 

He sucked in a breath and nearly choked on it, "Okay… okay. I can do that." 

There was nothing he could do as her right hand left his hip and wrapped around the length of his dick. There was a gentle nudge from the base to the tip where she had taken to small kitten licks against his entrance, as precum dribbled out. 

"Good little prince," she praised with a smile he could feel. "You're always so good for me when I ask you to do something… I'll make it feel good." 

He knew that as she spoke… it took every ounce of her power to feel that confident. He wasn't sure what to do or say and when he tried to recall the memory when she had been withering under Ray's touch, her lips had been fraught with whimpers and she pulled at his hair over and over again. 

The praise that she had spoken to him had pushed him, so he assumed the very same theory would apply here. She would want to know how good he felt. 

Saeran didn't even realize he hadn't taken a breath until a gasp escaped him. She moved fast, faster than he was mentally prepared for, sucking the head of his cock into her waiting maw with a hard slurp echoed in the room. 

His stiff hands soon found space in her brown curls, which had been pulled out of the way into a ponytail but the small wisps that strayed loose were free for the taking. 

"That's…" his voice sounded garbled and foreign to him. "Fuck, that's…!" 

It was hard to focus on clarity when her tongue swiped the underside of his cock. 

Lila seemed pleased with herself, however, given the second he allowed himself to look at her face, those brown eyes were looking back at him with an emotion that he couldn't read. 

She was taking her time with him, slowly but surely sinking him deeper and deeper into her mouth without so much as a whimper. It briefly made him wonder how such a tongue-tied girl had learned how to be so brazen, but that only led him to imagine what she did to her body when she was alone and no one else was around.

He could almost imagine it; Seeing her head put itself back, one hand tucked against the skin of her breast and the other between her legs as she breathed heavily, quiet pleads of his name leaving her lips as she pretended that he was the one touching her like that. 

He had imagined it plenty of times before on his own but he hadn't had the gall to admit it. 

Their relationship was mostly chaste, with a lot of cuddling and hand-holding. It wasn't a stretch to think that they were holed up on some part of the couch during the evening as they rotated who laid on the bottom and who got to lay on top. 

As his status as little spoon gave away, he was often in her arms, sprawled between her legs with his head tucked against her heart. He liked to hear the sound. It grounded him when he had needed to be reassured. 

Sex wasn't always something they did, but when they partook of it, it was always a devoted night where they took things slow, methodically, and learned how each other's bodies worked until it was a skill they knew like the back of their hand. He knew where to touch without even looking, and she knew what to whisper in his ears to make him excited. 

It was about trust. 

They both equally shared some body dysmorphia issues and learning to move past the feeling of insecurity and disgust when they were laid bare was a process. It helped to ease into it as they went. He would usually keep a shirt on, and she would often cover her chest as best she could when things sprang up. 

However, since they both understood the same sentiment of uncertainty in their bodies, it made it easier to feel like they weren't hyping up to say, something bigger than they could handle. 

Saeran often found himself lost in thought when she put her lips on him in any capacity, and this was no different. The heat burned in his loins as her tongue prodded just the right spot on his dick; His body visibly shuddering from the tension it brought. He realized that he had been staring at her and not letting himself take in the view. 

The heat began to appear on his cheeks far stronger than before. "Lila… you're…!" 

He wasn't larger than average, or anything. He didn't know there was any fuss about the size of one's dick until he started to pursue more information on the web in his journey to understand how to pleasure someone. He had felt a little more kicked in his side when he had to seriously wonder if she wouldn't like him if she had sex with him. 

To his credit and embarrassment, when he brought it up with her, she only stared at him with wide eyes, before she shook her head with a furious fever. "Saeran, I don't love you based on something as shallow as that. It doesn't matter to me if you're bigger or smaller!" 

God, he had never seen her express her feelings about something crude before but with further prompting at the time, she sat down and had to give him a deeper lesson on her anatomy. It had been cute, though, to see her squirm as she searched for her shame. 

They both were rather clumsy about these sorts of things but it got easier with communication. His therapist had a good point with that. It was better to just acknowledge and talk about things when it got to a point like that. 

Breathy moans led him faster than he could control them. His voice didn't sound at all familiar when he was made vulnerable like this, but he kept his body from trembling too much in her grasp. Ever when steamed, he couldn't bring himself to let go of his control out of the fear that he could unsettle her rhythm or make her gag. 

The faint sound of a hum on her lips made him jolt forward, "Mmm…" 

What she couldn't fit past her lips, she took care of with her hands. They were small but she still managed to wrap her fingers close enough that they were touching. That was all it took for him to pull at her hair, eyes half-lidded and shaky air escaping from his lips. Lila didn't budge from her spot, no, as a matter of fact, he watched as her eyes broke from his and her cheeks hollowed out around him. 

"Lila… please… fuck… God, how are you… when did you…!" his words were nonsensical as he felt the heat grow beyond his control. He knew that he wasn't going to last very long and the thought was increasingly mortifying as she was still very squarely on his cock. 

She didn't intend to… 

_ Did she _ ? 

He had his answer sooner rather than later when those soft hands of hers nudged just the right spot at the right moment and he felt it, his knuckles had gone white from gripping at the ends of her locks, and Saeran found himself unable to look away as her brown eyes gazed up at him, watching as he came unglued by her hands second by second until the dam burst. A sputtered groan left his throat. 

It was indecent and lewd, but so the sight of his girlfriend sucking his cock. 

"Fuck… gonna…!" 

And in his haze, he watched as she slowly pulled off of him with an audible pop, cum staining her lips alongside saliva that had dribbled out during her ministrations. Her pupils dilated with need, and the innocent expression of a girl drinking tea in more petticoats than he could count on the floor in front of him with his release on her lips smacked all sorts of illusions from his mind. 

Her thighs were pressed together uncomfortably close as she chased her relief. She could have asked him to do anything but she wanted to take care of him. She prolonged her wait to make him feel good. 

There were so many things coming at him all at once that he felt stunned and overwhelmed by the surge of pleasurable emotion. It was only when she called his name that he came back down to earth. 

He wasn't saying anything and she kept staring at him. "Saeran, are you okay?" She asked him, tentatively, almost nervous of his answer. 

"When did you learn that?" He breathed, still in a stupor. He was still coming down from the high. "Is that how you spend your free time while I'm at C&R? Learning how to…" 

Her breath was heavy and the sweater she was wearing suddenly felt like too much fabric. She smiled at him and laughed that teasing laugh that made his heart stop beating so fast against his ribs. Lila was really… more than he ever had expected her to be, and every time he thought he knew her, she surprised him. 

Suddenly, she seemed bashful to him, raising a hand to her face and averting her eyes from his mint ones as she caught her breath. "I've been thinking about doing that a lot longer than you think," she admitted. "I've had free time to practice with toys… I… I admit. I just wanted to make your first time special." 

Special. 

She was thinking of him the entire time, and nobody else.

The hand that wasn't hiding her face brushed against his leg. "Are you sure you're okay? You were lost in a daze for a moment. Do we need to take a break?" 

Saeran felt himself far away from that dread that came from giving his control away. She checked on him, she took her time and she reassured him every step of the way. This was what it felt like to have somebody respect your boundaries and let you decide when enough was enough. He couldn't have loved her more than he did at that moment. 

He caught her wrist and gently helped her onto her feet, pulling her into his lap as she rested her thighs on top of his.

Lila seemed surprised by this, given that he normally let her know what he was feeling before he jumped to act but this was no complaint on her part. Sometimes, they didn’t need words to know what the other was thinking but with this…. It was hard to say for sure. She stared at him, trying to discern what he was doing. “Saeran…?” 

He shook his head. Letting go of her hands so that they could fall back down to her side, she gazed at him as he cupped her hands in his hands. He had to do what he wanted before he lost the confidence to go for it. So, he leaned in and stole a kiss from her lips. It was sweet, tender, and he refused to pull away even as his lungs started to burn. 

It was there, the salty taste of himself on her lips, alongside the faintest touch of the strawberry gloss that she normally wore that tinged her with sweetness. He hadn’t expected that but it didn’t bother him. After all, she was the one who often pulled him into a kiss after he ate her out without seeming bothered by it. If anything, she seemed quite pleased with herself. 

That was the right thing to do, he thought, feeling her trying to keep her thighs from rocking into his without enough fabric separating them to hide her desire. He could already feel how drenched she was through her underwear, and all from just being able to hear him feel good. If he said something about it, she’d surely pretend otherwise. 

Saeran knew that it wouldn’t be long before the need reignited itself inside of him. He could already feel his desire rising again just at the sight of her quivering. 

He had to let go of her face so that he could methodically start removing her clothes piece by piece. Her top was tossed somewhere on the floor and the bra was gone just as fast, leaving her only clad in her underwear. 

"Oh, my God," she managed. 

Lila understood very well what he wanted and what he was okay with as he worked because the instant her hands were free, she started to unbutton the hooks on his shirt, though not that fast enough for her liking as she groaned. He kissed her cheek, a reassurance that she didn’t have to rush through any of this to get what she wanted. 

“I want you,” he said, quietly. “I want you more than anything else in this world. I don’t know what I would do without you here by my side. I want to enjoy this moment with you… I don’t want it to end so soon.” 

She shot him a coy smile. “You’d still find your way to make yourself happy, y’know? You just wouldn’t have me around to tell you how good you are at everything you do all the time. I know you secretly love receiving the praise, honey. After all, you’re too good for me. I don’t know what  _ I’d _ do without you spoiling me.”

Ray would’ve lost his mind if she cooed and fretted over him like that. Saeran wasn’t as nervous or as unsure as he used to be, but he did know with certainty that he wanted to wipe that look from her face until it was replaced with the harmonious look of unadulterated pleasure. If she told him how much she loved him and good he was, his heart would shiver. 

If she thought that pushing him to his limit was cute, he wanted to push right back to give her everything that he had. 

“Hey, princess,” he began, one of his hands not-so-casually sliding between her legs to drag her panties to the side. The pad of his thumb pressed against her clit without any warning, and her eyes shot wide open in surprise. “You know…  _ you’re  _ too good to me. I don’t want to imagine a life without you in it ever again. I know you want to spoil me rotten sometimes but all I can think about is how… how much I want to see you smile.” 

His heart was overcome with so much of that blissful feeling. It was so much easier to be open and honest with her when it felt like they were both vulnerable. She reached up with one of her hands to brush back his hair from his forehead where it hung in front of his eyes. His face felt hot but his body was even hotter. 

“Saeran…” she murmured. She bit back a sharp gasp as he slid one finger inside and began to trace his nonsensical patterns. “Please… I… wait… that's… ngh!” 

Saeran leaned forward, his forehead resting against her own. “You’re always trying to make things easier for me, angel. You’re never selfish with your desires and you always ask me what’s on my mind when I know you can tell I need to talk. I want to make you feel good… so good… so… so that you know how much you meant to me... “ 

“This… this burning feeling… when I’m with you, this is what it feels like all the time. I never thought that I would ever feel this happy with my life but I do. The thought that… that you’ve wanted to give to me everything you have makes me so happy that I… I don’t know how to repay the feeling. I’ve never known someone so willing to give up everything for another person. You make me want to be a better man every single day.” 

She was staring at him through wild, dilated eyes. Her lips quivering the second he added a second finger to the mix. It was easy to handle receiving one action from another, but when it was brought in and compounded with another task, that was when it was too much to carry. Lila could handle the feeling of his hands all over his body, but the second he started whispering sweet nothings, it was too much. 

It was too much. 

“This may be selfish of me,” he continued, shutting his eyes to spare himself the sight of her looking at him so tenderly. “But, I always want to put you first. I’m learning to let you do the same for me but it’s just… when I look at you… when I… when you’re looking at me like this…” 

Emotional stimuli were always too much for Saeran, but he felt embrazened by her confidence and wanted to give her everything she deserved. He was normally quiet and methodical but she always had a way of making him feel like a sputtering mess no matter what was going on. Perhaps, that was a good thing because she showed him that he was more than what he thought he was. 

"I love you too," Lila quivered, staring back at him with a desperate look. "I love you more than anyone else on this planet. You're so generous and compassionate, giving, oh… fuck, right there…!" 

If only to get him to stop overwhelming her heart with his sap, she leaned forward and kissed him with a fever behind it. It earned her a weak chuckle in response. Fortunately, most of the lewd sounds that wanted to escape her were muffled by his lips. 

Saeran was utterly relentless and she saw no end in sight as the slow grind of his wrist swirled around her heat without fail. His curled fingers extended out and nearly brushed against just the right spot and she moaned.  _ Just a little more…  _ she pleaded mentally. His ministrations became increasingly too much to bear. 

“Hey, wait…” she said, in between his kisses, rocking her hips to gain more traction that did nothing in the way of easing the burn. “You’re gonna…!”

He pulled his hand away almost immediately when her voice cracked. A whine escaped her despite herself, frustrated that he had driven her to the edge and stopped before she could have it. Tears were already welling up in the corner of her eyes in protest. People were always honest when they were on the edge. “Please… don’t stop… I can’t… I can’t…” 

Saeran gently shushed her whimpers and kissed away those pesky tears that budded. She was trembling in his arms like a leaf. It took her arms wrapped around his shoulders to keep her from tipping over and falling against the bedspread. He surely couldn’t leave her like that forever but a part of him liked to see her beg and plead. 

They would have to explore that later, at some point, not right now. All it took to reassure her was a small comment to clarify what he wanted. 

Putting care into his words and trying not to stretch them out, “Lila… I want to cum… with you... Is that okay?”

She nodded her head wordlessly, lip quivering as she spoke, “Please, I need it… I need to feel you. Please, Saeran…  _ please _ !" 

There was no way that he could refuse such a request. He quietly urged her back onto the bed so that she could get settled amongst the pillows and kick off her panties so they were out of the way. Saeran sucked in a breath before he turned to face her, kicking his clothes out of the way as she gazed at him. Her legs were pressed together for modesty but her lower lip was curled under her teeth, looking at him with earnest desire as she extended her hand to him. 

There weren't enough words in this world for him to use to describe her and how he felt about her but he could say simply that her beauty was something beyond skin deep. It was written in her smile, the way she laughed, the way she spoke to him when nobody was looking, the way she shared her dreams with him, and the way she did everything to see him smile.

Her flushed pink cheeks stained with freckles and puffy lips left little to the imagination. He never thought that she would be laid out in front of him like this but every time he got to see this sight, he felt like it was a gift from the universe. 

"...You're beautiful," he said. 

"Speak for yourself," Lila returned with a pout. "Have you seen yourself in the mirror lately? Don’t turn it on me." 

“I meant it,” his hands rested against her thighs. “You’re still the most beautiful person that I’ve ever seen. I know you don’t always see yourself like that but… I do. All of you… I love all of you. Every inch of you. If you’d let me, I’d kiss everywhere.” 

He gently pushed her legs apart, briefly clicking his tongue when she squealed at his brazenness. He took her hand in his and smiled at where their bodies hooked together just as he wanted, sinking her palm back into the sheets where they would remain. 

"Speechless, huh?" 

"Don't tease." 

"Mmm." 

" _ Saeran… _ " 

And she said his name  _ so _ nicely too. That was the final straw and the last piece for him to cave. She hooked her right leg around his hip and he took it from there, shifting so that his dick could press against her slicked outer lips. 

He leaned over to press his lips to hers in a gentle kiss, "Breathe," he reminded, though he wasn't all that sure who it was intended for, himself or Lila. 

Just like the first time, it felt like so much was happening all at once. He thrust forward at a snail's pace. The head of his cock stretched her out inch by inch as he sank deeper and deeper inside. Saeran couldn't watch as he did this but he could feel it and imagine what it looked like as they took hold of each other, fitting like a lost and missing piece found at last. 

The only thing that kept him from losing control of himself was the feeling of her chest slowly rising and falling as her hand clutched tightly to him. Even as he bottomed out and he felt himself encompass every part of her as she accepted all of him… he could only think of how perfect she felt and how much loved her. It just felt right. 

Everything felt right. 

His eyes shut, and for a moment, it felt like he was just in a space where nothing else mattered but his feelings for this woman. It wasn't until her free hand brushed against his cheek that he was brought back to the surface. 

"Hey...ran… Sa... Saeran? Honey?" His mint eyes simply snapped open and found her looking at him, that same tender look that she always had, and her touch so gentle. "Is this okay? Is it too much? You haven't… cried before." 

Saeran leaned into her touch. She brushed away some of the stray tears with her thumb. If he was crying, it wasn't from sadness. It was just so… there were no words for this. It was from how good it felt.

"It's perfect," he whispered. "You're perfect." 

And she laughed at that starry look in his eyes, stealing another kiss from his lips. "I love it when you're honest with me. Now that’s… greedy of me. I want to be the only one that sees you like this. But, that's not a  _ real  _ yes, my prince. Are you okay to move?" 

It was obvious that she wanted more and that she was holding back for his sake. The smallest bit of movement made her squirm against him. She had a world of patience compared to him. But, even the most patient person could only wait so long. 

He could nearly feel the way her pulse jumped when he smiled at her, and as he stared into her misty eyes, he nodded. "It's a yes," he said. “It’s always yes.”

"Then, please," she urged him, gently but honestly as more of her self control started to burn to ash. It was a little needier than she likely intended. But, he could echo her words from earlier and say that he loved it when she was honest with him. "Please make love to me. I need you." 

As if he could ever deny her wishes. 

He took in a breath, and then, he started to move. Gentle, no rush to make it a contest that ended far before he wanted it to. It earned him a pleasured cry in response. Saeran didn’t rip his eyes away from her at that point, urging himself to watch as she slowly came unglued from his actions. 

Rather than hurting someone to feel better, he had the power to do better than that, instead of thriving on misery, he let himself feast on pleasure instead. A selfless act fraught with love and desire that he longed for in his life. 

A part of him didn’t think that he deserved this feeling, this selfish feeling, how could he ever be happy after everyone tried to convince him otherwise? Everyone except for her, the person that saw someone in pain and extended her hand to him instead of pushing him around. Everyone had kicked him where they thought he wanted to be and where they wanted him to be, but she didn’t. She never did. 

And, that was why he wanted to give back tenfold. 

There would never be an act greater than this to show his compassion, but he would never stop trying to ensure that she how much she meant to him.

Muffling the sounds of his groan, he pressed his lips against the crook of her neck to kiss the flush skin as she withered underneath him. He still wasn’t an expert by any means but he was a quick study, and all it took was knowing which angle to use when she rocked her hips back to meet his with every thrust he took. 

“You’re doing so well…” 

Saeran found himself telling her how good she was doing for him and how lovely she was the more time progressed. After all, the more lost in pleasure he was, the easier it was for him to whisper the feelings that resided in his heart. The more he pushed, the more uneven his thrusts became, and the more nonsensical his whispers had become.

“Agh… I… fuck… that’s it, princess, just like that.” 

Her chest rocked against his, desperately seeking relief from the burn. At some point, he just lost track of what was his and what was hers. It was hard to say where he ended and where she started. It was far easier to focus on what he could move. 

On her lips was a rhapsody of pleas and curses and his name strung together. Her free hand buried in his hair and the other holding tight to his hand. It was like a quiet pray meant only for his ears and his ears alone. “Saeran… Saeran… oh, God.” 

Saeran couldn’t say how long they were like that, just tangled limbs desperately seeking each other in the evening air. The edge that had been budding up from the start of the evening had already started to reach its breaking point, and he was barely hanging onto his self-control in holding back. 

When he pulled away to catch his breath, he caught a glimpse of her beneath him. Her head was tucked sideways against the pillow as hot breath escaped her lips. Palor skin a hot shade of red as it stained her cheeks and brown eyes lolled back into her skull as moans escaped from her lips. He had the fortune of being able to see her express herself in thousands of ways, but this way… 

There was something so beautiful in this messy look that was so far from her composed life. It was like an honest whisper. A glimpse into her true heart. When he murmured her name and his cock brushed against just the right spot, she turned, looking back at him with a smile on her face that could crack at any moment. 

Now, she was the one crying. 

“C—Close,” she managed. 

On the flip side, she was looking at Saeran who had his lips curled underneath his teeth to cover any sounds of his groans. Her hair tousled and so out of place, mint eyes meeting hers halfway as she raised her hand to his lips, pressing them against the back of her palm. 

The sensation of him all around her was too much and seeing her look like that made the heat pooling around a coil dangerous hum closer to the surface. Lila couldn’t hold back, no matter how much she wanted to, the feeling of him, and his presence was always too much for her heart. Saeran wordlessly understood. 

He didn’t say another word, and he didn’t tear his eyes away from her for a moment as he pushed her over the edge that had built up. Her lips parted in a silent scream as her climax washed over; Eyes shut as quickly as they tore from his gaze. It was warm all over and her body felt less tense and more like a case of jello. 

“Fuck,” he cursed, tensing up. “I love you.”

Saeran didn’t last much longer than she did, the feeling of her walls tensing around him and her nails digging into his palm set him off. He had the foresight to pull away before he came, head hanging low as he let go of everything that he had been holding in. Cum dribbled out in ribbons over her center and her abdomen. 

He had to let go of Lila’s hand so he could catch himself before he sank on top of her like a heavy log. His breath was heavy, his body exhausted, and yet, he felt so much better than he had before. Quickly rolling onto his side next to her, he was surprised by the sound of a breathless laugh. 

When he opened his eyes, he found that she was looking at him. Her smile nearly stole his breath away once again. “I love you too,” she said. 

Even though there was still so much work to be done to make things right, and even though he knew that there was a long road ahead of them; He knew that as long as she was with him and at his side, it would be okay. No matter what happened in the future or what came their way. Just knowing that she was standing at his side was enough. 

Lila nudged her forehead against his, teasing him with his words from earlier. “Speechless, huh? That’s okay. ”

Saeran deserved that, he supposed. She seemed so pleased with herself at that comment. “You’re so lucky you’re cute.” 

“You love me regardless,” she said. 

“And I always will,” he promised. 


End file.
